More and more, it feels like I'm doing a really bad impersonation of myself

I had people warn me that heading down the road of casual sex leads to emptiness, but I didn't believe them. I had to run down that dark alley, find the pot hole and face plant. Unfortunately, it is a one way street and the only thing to do is pick my ass back up and hope there is a crossroads coming up back into civilization.

I feel disgusting on so many levels. I feel subhuman as far as self worth and I also feel fat because I haven't been to the gym in a week... Ugh! I guess if I'm gonna have people talk shit about me I don't want it to be about how I let myself go. Let them call me whatever they want and shun me in public, but I may as well look good while they're doing it.

"If I can't be beautiful, I want to be invisible"

PS My education is really paying off- I know how to trick my body into thinking it slept much better than it actually did. Yay for 1 REM cycle!!!