Today is NOT A Good Day

Bloodied and hanging on display for all to see, that's about how I feel at the moment...

Just Keep Looking Up...

Full Circle...

Apparently the sad truth...




Just When You Think You're Out of Kindergarten...

Don't Tell Me You're Sorry Cause You're Not...

But It's Over Now

Feelin a Bit Dutty...

Tell Me Baby, Where Do We Go From Here?

How do you deal with someone you know you're going to randomly run into, that played you like a fool? This friends appears to be the million dollar question and I have yet to find an answer. Sadly I think he is still convinced he's playing hard to get, but doesn't someone have to want it first? In all of this I have realized he may have been what I like to look at, but he's obviously not my type. My type isn't a guy who is almost 30 playing games a 22 year old shouldn't even be playing. Welcome to the gay world :-( It's all too common. My friend J here is 33 and playing the same games with some poor guy (who's not so innocent, but deserves better than the mindfuck he got). So the question still remains, "Where do we go from here?" It's ever so convenient for you to pretend you didn't act like a jackass and while my passive nature says just let it go, I simply can't. I finally gave a mutual friend of ours (mine and the guys, the same one from dinner the other night) a bit more of the whole story and he was a bit dismayed at the craziness of the mixed signals that were sent my way. It was just nice to finally get confirmation that all of this wasn't in my head. That I didn't overanalyze or misread (well completely misread) the whole situation. No one else was impartial enough to really disclose all the details to (mainly because too many of these gay boys either have feelings for me or are trying to just sleep with me, yeah it sounds conceited but it's the f*$%in sad truth). Anyways, I need to get some sleep. Just wondering what tomorrow will bring. Calm serenity to wrathful vengeance at the drop of a hat and all the other crap in between. Stupid heart- just build a wall, climb to the top and get over it....   

Righting At Least One Wrong...

I feel I did this song a disservice by posting the remix, so here's the original. God this woman is ridiculous. I think she span like 5 octaves in this song without batting an eye. Love it.




And just because it feels so good to say/think:

I can't wait to face you, break you, down so low there's no place left to go
 

It Just Feels Too Good Not To Write

So I can't stop watching this video and listening to this song. Hope springs eternal, but music like this helps you realize it. Today was a good day and they can only get better...

Eh, Eh by Lady Gaga

Cherry, cherry, boom, boom
Gaga

Boy, we've had a real good time
And I wish you the best on your way, eh, eh
I didn't mean to hurt you
I never thought we'd fall out of place, eh, eh

I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say

Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh

Not that I don't care about you
Just that things got so compliqué, eh, eh
I met somebody cute and funny
Got each other and that's funny, eh, eh, eh

I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say

Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, I wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh

I have something that I love long, long
But my friends keepa' tellin' me that something's wrong
Then I met someone
And eh, there's nothing else I can say

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say

Eh, eh, wish he never looked at me that way
Eh, eh, there's nothing else I can say
Eh, eh, cherry, cherry, boom, boom

Eh, eh
Oh, yeah
All I can say is, eh

Even the font says happy. Reminds me of looking up at the sky on a sunny day. Looking forward to the next thing that will come my way. Perhaps right over the next horizon, just  out of sight waiting to find me :-)

There's nothing else I can say...

I, No I, I Won't Cry....

Fuck You 2...



Up Out My Face Boy...



It's not chipped, it's not cracked, boy we're shattered.

Damn that woman might be one big ball of crazy, but her songs do know how to express resentment. I saw him tonight while eating dinner with a friend. He came over and I didn't even bother to look up. He talked to my friend and addressed the both of us, but it was really more just to talk to my friend than me. I'm over it. I'm free. He's stupid and I don't need stupidity and drama in my life.

Speaking of which, apparently gays are the same everywhere. It's sad. I expected to escape pettiness and stupidity of the gay world when I left Orlando. Apparently even in an intellectual setting the fags still come out. It's disgusting. Same games, same drama, new location. I am now back to rolling my eyes and keeping an arm's distance between all these gays.

God let me find a boyfriend soon before I do something stupid and desperate with one of these idiots.

That is my prayer for the moment...

Ummmm, Where Has This Been Hiding In My Library?

Gotta love it when an old song creeps up and smacks you in the face. Oh my Gaga...

Music is My Medicine...

God I love music. You can almost always determine my mood by the playlist I have going. I think it helps me put things in perspective. As a person who tends to internalize, it's nice to know that there are others who are going through the same thing. Misery loves company, but happiness is much better companion. It can all be found somewhere in the musical universe and I thank god i have access to it otherwise I would go crazy.


I Don't Got The Time To Play Highschool...

You Get The Idea...

So I may want to be the only BOY in his world. Whoever he may be...

Words To Live By and Do Homework To...

It's even sweeter than candy





The biggest bitch is karma, let her do her job...





Say goodbye to my heart tonight...





You're a knife, sharp and deadly. And it's me, that you cut in to...

Poison...

Dammit. I had this weird wonderful poem go through my head last night before bed. One of those wonderful, deep moments of clarity. Now all I can remember is that it involved poison. Interesting that this is where my thoughts take me nowadays.

I can't wait to hate you...

So the talk never happened, but I did get all the answers I wanted and more. I would say having him make out with some other guy at the party says more than he ever could. So, thank you Mariah for this lovely ballad to pain and frustration and stupidity. Nothing else to report at the moment, just keeping my head down for a bit in the personal department. I'm here for school and I'll be gone in 2 years... maybe I should follow my roommates example and start a countdown.

Back to the grind...