What happens when the tide turns and your standing still? It has finally happened. The girl, the best and worst thing in my life at the moment, has finally begun to lose her hold on me. It took her being here for it to happen, but it has. I have found a crack in the armor. Her power is completely dependent upon my availability. It is freeing to know that I have made it through a fight and didn't have to give in. Usually I am the one that concedes or whatever just to smooth it all over. I hate conflict and I hate to see people suffer even more. This time, it was nice to know that I could get to her though. I have come to realize that this I am not a puppet on the strings of her twisted plot. It felt like that on and off at times, a hard pill to swallow knowingly. The second I brought up another girl though, I felt all of the strings break for good. There is a vulnerability, a weakness. If I wasn't as nice of a guy as I am (not a self call when everyone, and I do mean EVERYONE, describes me as "a nice guy"), I would exploit it and make her so bitterly jealous she couldn't stand it. Unfortunately I am too nice, don't think I could look at myself in the mirror after going through the lengths needed for that to occur. Besides, I am too busy at the moment. Sculpture is definitely going to be a hassle, but a fun creative hassle.
On another note, I have made a new friend. He is a great guy. He's real down to earth and super cute. He's a head shorter than I am (making him around 5' 8"-5'10"), he has amazing blue eyes, he's thin and in shape and he kind of reminds me of an elf, but in a good way. He is bi, and at the moment he thinks I am straight. Although, I'm sure he has his doubts considering the things we talk about. I have spent two nights this week just hanging out with him and watching movies until morning. I am so happy I expanded my circle of friends. He is one of the first real life guys that I have actually been attracted to and know.
Feels good to write a positive note for once. If anyone happens to be reading feel free to comment, any feedback is always appreciated on any of the posts.
To a certain special someone, you aren't obligated because I will talk to you outside of this anyways.
Song lyrics for the post-
"And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety"
- Panic at the Disco, But It's Better If You Do
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