How Much WilL Things Really Ever Change?

Tomorrow I am graduating from college. Tomorrow I get to figure out what I am doing with the rest of my life. I am 22 and feel completely lost. The thing I hate most about the medical profession is that you have to be completely on top of your shit to become a part of it. I can't just wander and wade through until I find what's right. I have to decide soon. I am beginning to feel trapped by what I want to do and it's scaring me. I have no back up plan, no alternative career. There is medicine at the moment and that's about it. Jesus, is this how the future is supposed to feel? "When did the future switch from being a promise to being a threat?" I just want to know if I am doing the right thing, is that so wrong? That's my professional life, my personal life is in soooooo much more of an uproar.
I am sitting here with my brother watching a movie and wondering whether or not I should tell him about everything with me and men. Is there ever a convenient time to tell people about your sexual preference? A perfect moment to come out? I just don't want to be stuck back in the conventions that I have lived in for so long and finally broke free of, but when I tell people from home it's permanent. Even if this is just a phase it will forever be a part of my history that can come out to whoever I am dating. What happens if I end up with a woman? Are my parents really going to bring up old baby pictures and casually slip in that I also used to like men? If I end up with a guy it is much easier to explain this type of confusion and experimenting. Anyone who has battled with heir sexuality knows what I mean. It is difficult being the minority and such an outcast minority at that. Sexual identity is one of those things that makes far too many people uncomfortable to deal with, especially in America. I have met a few foreign kids who say that things like this are no big deal. Who you sleep with is not a defining characteristic of who you are. I wish that was the case here. I can't help but feel like when I go home it's a whole different ball game. People at this college are taught to appreciate diversity. In the South that's not always the case.

No time like the present I guess...