I just had my final critiques for sculpture and photo. It was a very bizarre experience to talk to professors outside of the sciences about my future. I sit here without any idea of what I'm sure about in my life anymore. I look at the life I have planned out and wonder if I have actually found myself in it all. Am I really sure that i want to go to medical school? Hell for that matter am I even sure about who I am? Recently I have been feeling very bizarre about the person I am becoming. I don't know if I am changing for the better or worse. I feel like the life I am leading is nothing remotely close to the dreams I had. I almost feel like I have wandered too far away from it to ever make that who I end up being. The wife and kids and a dog... I see it flying out the window and it scares me so much that I have come to question everything else.
On top of all of this I have also recently admitted to myself that I have a drinking problem and I'm seriously doubting whether or not I will ever be able to feel true deep unselfish love. Lately I have simply spent a lot of my time being numb and just getting through it all. I think a change of scenery would be a great benefit and there is no better time than after college graduation to get such a change. I just hope I can keep the voice in my head that keeps telling me to do terrible things down for long enough to make it out of here alive and unharmed. I don't have any crutches left to depend on, it's going to be one long and bumpy ride.
I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch
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