Unfortunately when you have screwed up your sleep schedule as much as I have you may find yourself at night rolling around for hours at a time. This is a dangerous time when you can't figure things out otherwise. I sat in bed the other night just pondering over everything that I talked about in the last post and then suddenly my ex came up in my mind. I started thinking to myself why did I ever leave him? There was nothing wrong with it. We were happy, he was a good guy, he was good to me and I threw it all away. I just felt so stupid. Then the next day I saw him for the first time in about a week. Suddenly all those thoughts came rushing back and hit me like a fist in the face. I nearly had a panic attack. I don't know what I am doing with my life or my relationships, but I realized that everything I have done has made it so that I couldn't go back if I wanted to. It just added to all of the confusion I have been feeling lately and drove me deeper into my questioning mind. Jesus, I'm a mess. I need to stop having random panic attacks.
FUCK!
You have to jump into disaster with both feet.
What I really hate is me so I hate pretty much everybody.
Your birth is a mistake you will spend your whole life trying to correct.
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