Things lately...

Since break, I have come back to school. My life back to this grind. This term is going fine, I just feel weirdly about it. I don't know what I am going to do when real life sets in and the place I call "home" is no longer temporary. I am bored of this island already, just like I as bored of Orlando. At least here I have goals and my life isn't completely on hold. Also, this is truly just temporary and I know I'm not the only person who doesn't like this place. The biggest problem I'm having this time is that, unlike most of my friends I am tired of just drinking away everything. It's easy to find a reason to drink- school, this damned island, peer pressure, depression, desperation, social awkwardness, etc. etc. But to go be with them and not drink is impossible. They are not social drinkers, 1 or 2 is not in their vocabulary. I don't want to drink, but with them I have to. So, what are my options?

1)Abandon friends (I have kind of been avoiding them, not gonna lie)
2) Find new friends who don't drink (a lot of effort and those people are usually always studying, so not really any fun)
3) Sit alone in my room and watch movies or sleep (Since my birthday, this has been my go to)
4) Well, I don't think there is a 4... Kind of all of the above, which would best define what I have been doing

I am weirdly lonely in a place full of people. I don't mind it most of the time, but then there are those moments where I just want someone to come over or message me and ask to watch a movie or hang out and talk or go to dinner... I get tired of eating, watching movies and even sleeping alone. I have no time to cultivate a relationship, yet I just want that one person so so badly. For my selfish I need someone moments, but when I'm busy you can go entertain yourself. FUCK!

Will I ever meet someone who is that one person for me? Will I ever end up settling down in a city I can actually call home? Or will there always be something wrong, will I just get tired of them, will something better just always be out there? If it's not them it must be me... Right?

Well, I need to go to bed. I'm already going to be exhausted tomorrow as it is. I don't need to stay up any longer pondering all the questions of the universe tonight.

Sadly, I was just coming on to write how there is nothing to write about because things have been so boring. I guess I have been so lackadaisical lately I haven't even stopped to look at how miserable I can be sometimes. Dammit, should have stopped while I was ahead...

Home Sweet Home?

I love being home, but I hate my hometown. I want to be anywhere but stuck at home. I love my parents, but I feel trapped. None of my friends are here, I'm not getting any and I just want to be almost anywhere else.

Forgot to publish this over break... woops.


Addendum: I still felt this way by then end of break. The good news is I got to run away for a bit to Jacksonville and Tampa to take my mind off the numbness of home.